We Give a Squid a Wedgie by C. Alexander London

Author:C. Alexander London [London, C. Alexander]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781101572443
Publisher: Penguin Group US
Published: 2012-06-14T04:00:00+00:00

21

WE WILL NOT BE CHUMS

TWITCHY BART TIED COREY UP and threw him in with Dr. Navel, who was just waking up. He put Oliver and Celia in another bunk.

“Don’t try anything fishy,” he warned, and waved his big knife in the air to make sure they understood what he meant. Then he locked them in.

The boat rocked and rolled as it cut through the waves. Oliver’s complexion started to turn the color of an unripe banana.

“Don’t puke in here,” said Celia.

“I won’t,” said Oliver. He looked over at her and grunted.

“What?” she said.

“Nothing,” said Oliver. He was still upset she had called him a baby when he was trying to save them.

“Fine,” said Celia. She was still annoyed that he’d told Corey she was trying to impress him. “We have to think of a new plan, or they’ll turn you, me, and Dad into shark food, and who knows what they’ll do with Corey.”

“Oh no, poor Corey,” Oliver grumbled.

“You used to like him.”

“That was before he turned you into my evil twin.”

“I’m not your evil twin.”

“Whatever you say.”

“Yes, whatever I say, and I say I’m not your evil twin. You’re just too sensitive.”

“Whatever,” said Oliver, crossing his arms.

They stewed in their own silent anger for a while.

“You’re wrong, by the way.” Oliver broke the silence. “Sharks don’t eat people. That’s a myth.”

“No it’s not.”

“Yes it is,” said Oliver. “On Sharkapalooza they said that even when sharks bite people, they usually­ spit them back out, because we aren’t their natural diet.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because the pirates can’t turn us into shark food,” said Oliver. “They’d just chew us up and spit us out. They were going to turn us into shark bait, you know, to lure sharks. It’s called chum.”

“Hmm,” said Celia. “Chum. I thought that meant friend.”

“Well, I guess there’s a word I know that you don’t. Chum is shark bait.”

“I’m not sure that’s better. I don’t want to be chum.”

“Me neither,” said Oliver. “Even if it means friend.”

“Whatever,” said Celia. And they fell silent again.

There was a small porthole in their bunk, through which Oliver and Celia could occasionally catch a glimpse above the waterline. All they saw was deep blue ocean stretching out forever. The hours passed. We should not be surprised that they eventually fell into their favorite pastime, the one that they could always share, even in the midst of their most heated arguments: complaining.

“I hate this,” said Celia. “This is the worst.”

“I’d rather be stuck in a cave in Tibet,” said Oliver.­

“I’d rather be lost in the Amazon,” said Celia.

“I’d rather be watching the news,” said Oliver.

Celia shuddered. “It’s not that bad,” she said.

“But what are we gonna do? We can’t fight the pirates and we can’t, you know, duel each other.”

“I don’t know,” Celia said. “After the way you’ve been acting …”

“Hey!” Oliver exclaimed. “You are my evil twin!”

“I’m just kidding,” said Celia. “We’ll figure something out. We sort of have to.”

“Maybe Dad or Corey will have an idea.”

“If we ever see them again.

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